Monthly Archives: February 2011

An open letter to Thorpe Park

Dear Thorpe Park,

Here at the ‘HQ’ of the British Anomalistic Research Society (or BARsoc for short) we’ve been made aware of several news stories that are popping up about you having to move the latest ride that you are building because people working on its construction have been witnessing strange things. Things that, it seems to have been decided, are ghosts.

This must have been very inconvenient for you at the park, especially with the Tourist season soon to begin…

As one of the founding members of BARsoc I felt I must write to you to let you know that the ‘paranormal detection agency’ that the Thorpe Park bosses called in are, quite frankly, talking out of their arses.

You see, there is no testable definition for a ghost, thus, one cannot detect ghosts, or anything that is defined as paranormal. Afterall, the word ‘paranormal’ basically means ‘that which cannot be explained using the known rules of science‘. If someone can detect something paranormal, that thing is not paranormal anymore. You can probably therefore see why calling yourself a ‘paranormal detection agency’ is misleading in the extreme.

Also, I would like to take this moment to try to dispel your fear about the ride being built upon a burial ground. The ride may very well have been built upon the site of an ancient burial ground, but there is absolutely nothing to worry about because, you see, the people who used to be buried there are dead.

They don’t know that you are building upon their old burial ground as their brains no longer work.

It seems to me that the people who believe that building upon such burial grounds causes spiritual unrest may have watched Steven Spielberg’s ‘Poltergeist’ one too many times, if you see what I mean.

I noticed that the ‘paranormal detection agency’ the Thorpe Park bosses called in are quoted as saying:

“Results were picked up immediately, with orbs, ghostly images in photography and ouija reaction results being strongest around the site where they were proposing to build Storm Surge. The results were so strong we felt the only explanation could be that an ancient burial ground or settlement was being disturbed, prompting the extra paranormal activity.”

I would like to take this moment to let you know that everything this person has said shows that ghosts are at your theme park have actually been shown not to be paranormal in nature by people who typically know what they’re talking about and don’t copy what they see off the telly.

Orbs, for example, are actually what professional photographers call ‘circles of confusion’, and they are typically out of focus objects in front of the camera. You can read a great summary of this by visiting the ‘Orb Zone’ website that shows how orbs are really not spooky at all. The ouija board is also an outdated piece of equipment that people use to (not always knowingly) reinforce their personal beliefs. You can read more about that on our very own website, and I think your paranormal detection man may have fooled himself as well as you.

We would also be interested in seeing the photos he claims show ghosts because, quite frankly, they might be an actual scientific breakthrough which, as you can imagine, is rather important and significant.

You may now be thinking something similar to:

“‘Oh darn, we have gone to great lengths to get this paranormal detection chap into our humble theme park and he has really made us look rather foolish because now we are moving this huge ride which is costing us money to do so, and in all reality there is nothing really to suggest that the odd things going on were ghosts at all. Oh bother, oh bother!”

Well don’t fear because BARsoc are here! We would like to offer our services to you, for free. Our researchers are more than happy to come and talk to the people who have witnessed strange things at the construction site and see if we can work out what is causing the strange things that have been reported.

We don’t use ouija boards, we don’t think orbs are ghosts, we don’t call ourselves a ‘paranormal detection agency’ and we will not mislead you. We will even do things in complete confidence because we know how terrible it can be to have such negative press – what with it coming up to that time when people are going to be visiting your theme park soon.

What with all this hoohah about ancient burial grounds and unsettled ghosts, the last thing you want to happen is for people to have pictures in their minds that equate your theme park with that poor house in ‘Poltergeist’, right?

You can email us if you really want to get to the bottom of the spooky things that are happening in your theme park.

You know where to find us and we look forwards to hearing back from you.

With kindest regards,

Hayley Stevens Founder of the British Anomalistic Research Society. (BARsoc)